homework and junk food.... college is great.

So, today I sit at my desk eating nutella straight out of the jar and drinking Wild Cherry Pepsi. Totally unhealthy, I know, but I have 4 papers due Monday, I have only started one, and I needed some unhealthyness...
Anyway, school is great. I love my classes, profs, and friends. I want to go home for Christmas already, but I will miss my life here. I'm totally excited to go on Thanksgiving break next week since I havent seen my parents for about a month.
The highligh of next semester will be going to France! I cant believe that in about 4 months I will be in Paris!!! It will be so much fun to be with Prof Schram and Stephanie, and Sarah and everyone else who is going. Sadly Chris cant afford it... he would be fun to go with. Anyway, I am so stoked even though I have no idea where the money for it will come from... - well, i do know- God will provide.

Ramblings of a college kid

So, it's been a while.... always a while.

i started college this semester. wow- it's so different from high school. I'm in a dorm with hundreds of girls vs. living at home with my parents and brother. I make my own decisions for everything vs. my mom telling me what to do. I tell my mom I'm going to do something vs. asking if i can doing something. I study when i want, party (by party i of course mean in a Christian manner that would be pleasing to Christ) when i want, eat when i want, skip class if i want, and leave campus when i want vs. being told when to do something and where to be. There are no bells, no principals, no stupid (well, not as many stupid) rules, more freedom, more responsibility, amazing new friends, incredible new experiences, and never a dull moment. Now bordom means walking down the hall to find someone to hang out with, or watching a movie with the hallmates, or driving to walmart (because this is sortof the boonies and walmart is the most exciting thing around), or going to the bakafé (the only other excitement in this town), or studying in the library, or hanging out in TOL, or just being college kids (which many times means pranking someone....... sticky-notes are a staple of college life........)
all in all, it has been a wonderful month and a half. i cant wait for the rest :)

undecided

Many roads diverge on a concrete jungle,
Metal beetles travel every direction,
And I stand undecided.

Some head home to empty houses,
Some to unappreciative bosses,
And I stand undecided.

One full of boxes anticipates a new life,
While one hopes to escape its current trials.
And I stand undecided.

Many push me toward their destinations,
Dark with pain and broken promises,
But still I stand undecided.

While most paths choke with travelers,
The smallest remains barely noticed,
Why am I still undecided?

Not many beetles converge on it,
But one beckons me to follow,
Can it sense I’m undecided?

Devoid of the hustle and bustle,
The smallest path holds much intrigue.
I stand not quite so undecided.

This beetle shines with light from within,
I feel its calming truth and love.
Finally, I have decided.

motivation, motivation,motivation

I have no motivation.

I used to. I used to love going to school and learning and excelling, and while I still like those things, All I want to do now is be done. I dont have any school spirit, I even skipped the peprally today, and while I enjoy most of my classes, I have no reason to stick around. I am so ready to be finished. Now I know that in a few years, ok- maybe many years- I will wish I participated in more and had school spirit, and I will miss my friends, but I right now, I just want to go off to college and start the rest of my life. Not that God's timing isnt perfect, but I feel stuck in a rut. I have more to say, but I dont have the motivation to write any more.

jealousy, methodists, and pride

Ive known than I'm a jealous person for the past few years- and yet every time i feel jealousy coming back, im surprised. Just because I pray about it doesnt mean its going to magically disappear. I think sometimes i have to remind myself of the same things over and over again.

So, this sunday we were methodist. It was fun. we had a really good time. The worship was great and the pastor was pretty good. one of the things he said that really struck a cord in me was that pride is wrong. Ive known that my whole life, but then he went on to talk about how expecting praise or recognition and getting mad when you dont get it, is considered pride- and i realized that is what i did with my birthday. A) i expected people to call and wish me happy birthday and got mad when no one did- what kind of rediculousness is that- i didnt create myself- i wanted someone to recognize that i had gained a year of life- i didnt accomplish anything-God did. how selfish and mixed up is that logic??? B) I should have been grateful to have been born at all. C)it wasnt mom and dads faults they were sick. D) I have parents and friends who love me- what else do i need?

needless to say, im feeling better about the whole situation.